• Kaftans, always

    My lovely and talented friend, Sandria, recently alerted me to Veronique Hyland’s NY Mag article, “How to Get Your Body Caftan-Ready for Summer.” Although I disagree with the author about a few points, mainly that wearing a kaftan means you can skip your bra and neglect basic hygiene. WTF. I do agree with her enthusiasm for kaftans and her desire to extol their virtues. Here are a few of my own tips for wearing kaftans and some amazing ones that you can buy right now. Kaftans are the true definition of GLAAAAM-OOOUUUURRR. They are not shlub wear.  They are not for the tired. Find a muumuu for that foolishness. If your breasts…

  • Beauty Tips for the Action-Challenged aka Lazy

    Some girls come home after a raucous happy hour and still manage to remove their contact lenses and make up. Some of them set aside time every night, no matter what, to pumice their feet, apply moisturizer and cover their tootsies with cotton socks.  Some of them even polish their nails to match their ensemble, which they already laid out, for the next day. I am not her. She is not me. I’ve come to terms with it and use these tricks to preserve my pretty despite my lazy. Makeup remover wipes e’rywhere. Near the front door, in the trinket box next to the sofa,  at the desk, under pillows… Some disagree and I get…

  • Last Minute Vacation Planning Tips for Procrastinators and Everyone Else

    Him:         Hey Babes. Me:           Yeah Babes? (Yeah, we call each other Babes with an ‘s.’) Him:         I think we should get outta town for New Year, maybe something tropical. Me:           Babes, do you know it’s December 18? Him:         Yeah. Me:           Do you know people usually book New Year’s eve vacays a year ahead? Him:         You can do it. Him was right. I can and I did. I’m an odd combination of fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants and anal-retentive-nosey AF-planner-extraordinaire. So although I found this task to be daunting, I was up for the challenge. As I spent every waking moment between December 18 and the day we booked our accommodations searching and planning,…

  • Twelve Random Tips for Planning a Luxury Vacation

    Greetings! It’s been a long while and a lot has happened, so instead of explaining, I’ll just jump right in. Last year I took the first real vacation (no laptop, no phone calls) that I’ve had in years.  Because I’m Daphne, I know no other way than to go big, so I splurged on a whirlwind  ten days in Asia. My trip began in Bangkok, marinated in Phuket and then ended in Hong Kong.  To sum up the experience in a word or two: fairy tale. Some deets: In Bangkok, my sister and I took a private boat tour down the Chao Phraya, toured Chinatown by night and sampled a little street food (not nearly as much as…

  • decoupage, crafts, craft, crafting, letters, debauched decoupage, funny crafting, lust, sexy crafting, collage, dream boards, alternative dream boards, twerk, twerkin, twerking, twerk, sumn,

    debauched decoupage | twerk

    I am in the process of redecorating.  Frankly, I am OBSESSED with decorating my home.  As you might imagine, my decorating philosophy is a play on scorched earth.  Translation: try to cover every square inch in quirk, kitsch and a little sophistication.  It should truly say daphne to all who cross my moat. So one day while enjoying a kiki (surprise, surprise), I was discussing the empty space above my dueling coat closets with a fellow kiki-er.  What should go in those matching blank and rectangular spaces? Wall décor emblazoned with the words “live,” “laugh,” or “love?”  GTFOH.  No, what would be more daphne? We poured ourselves yet another when…

  • Botox is for feminists

    If your face is cracking and there is a way to stop it from cracking, why would you continue to let it crack?  That is the millennial equivalent of the if-a-tree-falls-in-the-forest question.  With plastic surgery being as ubiquitous as fashion people using the word ‘everything,’ I am surprised by my waffling opinion.  Some days I’m down with it.  Bring on the Botox!  Fire up the Fraxel Laser!  Other days I am flying the flag of feminism while angrily deriding all who seek to marginalize women with their limited, fantasy-based pablum. Bring on the Botox!  Fire up the Fraxel Laser!                      …

  • cheap trick / holy skincare

    As you may have surmised, I enjoy my expense ish.  This enjoyment bleeds into every area of my life and that includes skincare and beauty items.  Hell no, I don’t want NYX.  I want Nars.  Aveeno!  Are you crazy?  I only use Perricone. Of course, it’s cool to say that I use Creme de la Mer moisturizer and dr. brandt pore refiner. However, as I and my skin care needs have matured, I find that some beauty maladies can be remedied without throwing a ton of cash at them.  As a matter of fact, some lower-priced, drug store products work better. Behold the holy trinity of beauty on a dime: Amlactin…

  • daphne debauchee gets schooled, part deux

    In less than ten minutes, our instructor, I’ll call her Felicia, began rearranging our host’s furniture to create auditorium seating.  “Sweetie” began passing out three prong folders, condoms, paper plates, grapefruit and knives.  What the what? I thought we were sucking, not cutting.  I can’t imagine any man feeling very sexy if he sees you whip out a knife from your goody drawer.  Nobody’s feeling that Lorena B shit.  Anyhoo and sip. She then set up her speaking area in the front of her makeshift classroom.  She arranged dildos, condoms, DVDs, t-shirts, jewelry, books and whatnot on the table where our host serves her children’s toaster streudel in the morning. …

  • daphne debauchee gets schooled, part one

    On a Friday after a very long week working on a very stressful and a not-so-very  rewarding project, I attended a fellatio class. A girlfriend invited me.  It was hosted by a friend of hers, sort of a Tupperware/Pampered Chef party of pleasure.  Sure I had my thoughts, questions and reservations. “Hell, I could TEACH this class.” As Kanye/Beyonce said, “I gotta big ego…” daphne debauchee has a stadium sized one. “This is kinda like a lame ass episode of Real Sex.”  But, don’t you miss that series? I learned sooo much.  If you’re listening, HBO, bring it back.  Please. Or, more like a rekindling of Sex and the City’s Was…