Hubris Heavyweight: Tidal and Jay Z

ITidal have absolutely no problem with anyone acquiring more money. As a matter of fact, I applaud it. This IS America, Jack. What I DO have a problem with is the disingenuous way the new streaming platform, Tidal, was promoted.

The splashy video was cute and I expect nothing less from elite performers. These people don’t sell out arenas for nothing. But to act as if it was some sort of social media demonstration akin to Mike Brown’s or Trayvon Martin’s  is disgusting and utterly ridiculous. “Show you are a part of the movement by turning your profile pic blue.” “Together, we can turn the tide and make music history.” GTFOHWTBS.

What movement? Is wanting to get paid more.a movement? Well hell, I can get behind that. Just call it what it is. Don’t play the role of charity case to a country of working poor and paycheck-to-paycheckers.  Make history? Where’s the historical value in this? The day a group of celebrities were on each other’s dicks so hard that they thought they could trick a world full of people, whose incomes are a fraction of theirs, to feel sorry enough for them to buy a $20/month music service?

Tidal’s spokesperson, Jay Z (why?), has even upped the ante when questioned about the backlash. His arrogant comparison to Apple and Steve jobs is not only silly; it is insulting to my intelligence. It is true that Apple holds press conferences to unveil new products. It is true that the Cult of Apple oooohs, aaaahs and then scrambles to buy the next shiny, new thing.  And no, we never questioned Steve Job’s income.

However, Jay Z left a few things out. We ooooh and aaaah because Apple innovates. We admire that yet again those crafty programmers have developed a product that enriches our lives in a new way. (I want an Apple watch sooooooo baaaaaad. Anyhoo.) What’s innovative about a Spotify that’s owned by music artists? Why should I or anyone care?

Apple keeps it real. They reveal the Apple watch, tell you what it does and what the price is. Apple doesn’t give me a sob story about how I should buy the new iPhone because the members of the board just aren’t making enough money. Apple doesn’t tell us anything about the plight of the company’s ownership. Why? Because they know that we don’t care.

The sad thing is that all of this could have been avoided if Jay Z had used his own Apple example. By simply introducing Tidal, its benefits (if there are any) and the price, we would have been forced to either buy or balk. No biggie.

So thank you, Tidal and Jay Z. You are daphne debauchee’s first Hubris Heavyweights. The hubris gods are smiling on you, but they sent me to tell you to fire your PR firm with the quickness.

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A Successful Relationship in Four Easy Steps

Relationship advice springs eternal. Almost anyone (well, actually any man) has a platform from which to pontificate. Most of this advice is aimed at teaching women how to behave in order to garner the attention of a worthy mate (surprise, surprise). This strategy of dropping unwelcome counsel into women’s laps like an unwanted dick pic has launched careers and built multi-media fortunes.

As I surveyed the landscape, I realized that I’ve got shit to say and I want some money too. So, I am jumping into the fray and offering my own gems. I’m dropping this science on you because I couldn’t possibly be any less qualified than let’s say…a couple of comedians.

My philosophy is based upon the age-old tenets of “hear, see, and speak no evil” with one important addition – “think no evil.”

  1. Hear no evil. Do not listen to ANYONE, including you.
  2. See no evil. Why waste your time trying to unlock his iPhone? Stalk his social media? For what? Summer is fast approaching. Your time will be better spent pinning that hot, new pair of Brian Atwood sandals.
  3. Speak no evil. Don’t argue with your man about what you’ve heard from this one or that one. Don’t say a thing about that girl’s comment on his Instagram post. If you feel yourself needing to speak, go back and refer to #1 and #2.
  4. Think no evil. This is by far the most important of all the commandments. If you allow your mind to be as empty as the size 9½ rack at the Nordstrom shoe sale, you have absolutely NO material to use to break #1, #2 or #3. Mental laziness saves relationships.

Before you start with all your judgment and questions, like…

dd-infographic-3-30-15-699x654“This is ridiculous!”

“I have my own mind!”

“Does she know about the prevalence of STDs?”

“This is America! I have freedom of speech!”

“Is she even in a relationship?”

 

You should take a long, introspective look back at your own dating and relationship history. Where has all that sight, sound, speech and thought really gotten you? It didn’t stop him from cheating. It didn’t save the relationship. Did it?

Most women can think of at least 20 things that they can do right now with the time spent obsessing over some perceived wrong. Notice that I didn’t say productive things. Being productive is irrelevant. I’m just saying that I’d rather go old school and contemplate my navel or maybe peruse coveteur.com ad nauseum before I waste a single second of my precious life wondering if my sig O is cheating. Maybe he is. Maybe he isn’t. But you know what? If you weren’t so busy seeing, hearing, speaking and thinking, you wouldn’t even know or care.

My friend and I were chatting one day about men and cheating and relationships and whatnot. Of course, I blessed her with my keys to relationship success.

Friend:   I’m the opposite. If I think I know something, I need to try my best confirm it and prove I’m not crazy.

Me:    (with a knowing, supportive smile) But if you’re not thinking, you know nothing and thereby have nothing to prove.”

I already know I’m not crazy. There’s nothing to prove.

Let me know what you think. If I disagree, I’ll let you know. 😉 dd.

 

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Anti-Fashion Love. Pass me a catsuit.

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