Tag Archives: beauty

Holiday Sanity in Five

Holiday Sanity in Five

Holiday Sanity in Five

The holidays haven’t always been happy for me. It’s the stress, man! My wallet and I are pulled in so many directions. Thanksgiving groceries. Décor. Cleaning service. Number one daughter’s birthday (and you know children are never inexpensive no matter how old). Christmas gifts. Tree. Ornaments. And lest I forget, I have to purchase plane tickets for myself, my daughter…and my dog. See what I mean? Stress, man!

I know you can’t combat it by saying “f@#$ this” and sit on your ass sipping Bailey’s until January 4, but there are definite ways you can significantly reduce stress and its SOB cousins—headache, anxiety attacks and back pain. I tried all of them and they really work. It all begins with an attitude adjustment.

  1. Focus on the reason for the season. No, seriously. Hear me out. Thanksgiving is a holiday developed for us to give thanks for our blessings. Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Christ. That’s it. Nothing more. Nowhere in those two descriptions is the crafting of the perfect tablescape or getting your kid’s teacher a gift that puts all other parents’ gifts to shame. Have you ever really shed a tear (thug or otherwise) because you didn’t get a scarf from your Aunt Sylvia? I doubt it and if the recipients/guests/whomever don’t give a damn just like you didn’t, why should you as the giver? Tell somebody you love ‘em. Go to church and bring someone with you. Volunteer your time. Change your focus and get your merry back.
  2. Between November 1 and January 3, plan some out-of-the-home activities that are purely for your enjoyment. It can’t be a service project, a “required” holiday party or involve people under 21. This Thanksgiving Eve, I went to City Winery for a performance by Musiq Soulchild. It was only a couple of hours away from the kitchen but it felt like I was miles away. I’m not a super fan but I love live music and I felt the weight lifting off my shoulders as he sang some of his old hits and transported me to back in the day. Whether it is a concert, ice-skating at the park or a night at the movies, do something selfishly fun outside.
  3. If you work a corporate gig, under no circumstances should you use your vacation time for the holidays. Work straight through and schedule off time after the holidays when all of the relatives are gone. While everyone else is back at the grind on Monday, you’ll be walking through your house buck naked and fancy free. But how do I get everything cooked/bought/done? Go back and read number one. Anything that can’t be cooked or picked up the week before, after work or before a reasonable bedtime, doesn’t need to be. I stuck by this rule this Thanksgiving, despite my propensity to always do way too much. My blood pressure thanks me.
  4. Take care of yourself. Get a massage or mani/pedi. Gift yourself some lash extensions. You don’t have a lot of cash? Take a bath with pretty, smell goods at least twice a month then. Give yourself a facial while listening to the music you like. Actually read your fashion magazines that are collecting dust. Self-care is how you ensure that you are around to take care of others. Find a way.
  5. Say no. I know it’s popular nowadays to say yes. I love Shonda Rhimes and I get it, but I would adjust her Year of Yes to Ten Months of Yes. “Say yes” January through October and then “shout no” for November throughout December. No, I can’t make it to your party. No, I’m not buying everyone with a pulse a gift. No, I’m not cooking a turkey, a ham, a duck and lamb chops. No, no, no. Say yes to self-care. Say yes to your sanity. Say yes to your savings account.

Implement these tips and watch your holiday cheer return. That usual harried pace will be transformed into a very zen stroll. Last, but never least, champagne!

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Beauty Tips for the Action-Challenged aka Lazy

Some girls come home after a raucous happy hour and still manage to remove their contact lenses and make up. Some of them set aside time every night, no matter what, to pumice their feet, Bed makeup2apply moisturizer and cover their tootsies with cotton socks.  Some of them even polish their nails to match their ensemble, which they already laid out, for the next day.

I am not her. She is not me. I’ve come to terms with it and use these tricks to preserve my pretty despite my lazy.

  1. Makeup remover wipes e’rywhere. Near the front door, in the trinket box next to the sofa,  at the desk, under pillows… Some disagree and I get it. A lot of days, when I’m able to go home directly after work and remain sober all night, I do the whole skin care regimen thing. I cleanse, exfoliate, tone, apply serum and moisturize. I do the damned thing. But sometimes I just want to remove the bra and fall into bed. Something has to be better than nothing and I’m OK with that.
  2. Get over it and get your entire body waxed. Or lasered. Why contort yourself weekly (or daily for the truly Sasquatch) and waste ten minutes of chill time for hairlessness?
  3. Gel manis, of course. Yeah, they destroy your nails. And?
  4. Amopé Pedi Perfect. You can condense half an hour of foot Amope2filing and pumicing to 10 minutes or less. The motorized file allows you to have silky smooth heels with little to no elbow grease.
  5. Store any nighttime hair needs beneath your sleep pillow. I’m talking bonnets, scarves, scrunchies, maybe even a brush or comb. Please note: I suggested a brush OR a comb. Having both beneath your pillow is pushing it. And definitely don’t put product under there. Your bed’s not an Aveda Salon. There should be some limits to your laziness.

Let me know some of your lazy girl beauty hacks. Believe me. They’ll be greatly appreciated.

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debauched decoupage | twerk

I am in the process of redecorating.  Frankly, I am OBSESSED with decorating my home.  As you might imagine, my decorating philosophy is a play on scorched earth.  Translation: try to cover every square inch in quirk, kitsch and a little sophistication.  It should truly say daphne to all who cross my moat.

So one day while enjoying a kiki (surprise, surprise), I was discussing the empty space above my dueling coat closets with a fellow kiki-er.  What should go in those matching blank and rectangular spaces? Wall décor emblazoned with the words “live,” “laugh,” or “love?”  GTFOH.  No, what would be more daphne?

We poured ourselves yet another when I decided that I did want some sort of graphic art.  daphne loves the words. My name?  Although my name rolls from the tongue, the idea is not groundbreaking.  A fancy quote? Done and over.  Then, it hit me.  What words would both make me laugh and confuse and then enrage my mom every time she saw them?  “TWERK SUM’N!!!!”

Debauched decoupage was born that night.  It was my first attempt at decoupage and it was surprisingly fun and easy.  I added 3-D elements and it became an amazing collage/ debauched dream board /source of laughs.  What more can you ask of your home décor?  Dust off your acrylic heels, crank up the 2Chainz and take a look.  Whatcha think? Oh and let me know where I can find an apostrophe.  JoAnn’s didn’t have any.

 

Posted in Lust | Tagged , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Botox is for feminists

If your face is cracking and there is a way to stop it from cracking, why would you continue to let it crack?  That is the millennial equivalent of the if-a-tree-falls-in-the-forest question.  With plastic surgery being as ubiquitous as fashion people using the word ‘everything,’ I am surprised by my waffling opinion.  Some days I’m down with it.  Bring on the Botox!  Fire up the Fraxel Laser!  Other days I am flying the flag of feminism while angrily deriding all who seek to marginalize women with their limited, fantasy-based pablum.

Bring on the Botox!  Fire up the Fraxel Laser!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In 2011, women underwent 8.4 million cosmetic procedures.  We spent 10 billion smoothing out wrinkles, pumping up breasts and sucking out fat.  See, everybody’s doing it.  However, as a feminist who was raised by a feminist who was raised by a feminist who didn’t even know she was a feminist, I understand that the pressure on women to be beautiful and remain young at all costs is a tool of misogyny.  However, knowing this gives me no comfort.  I don’t want my nurtured need to fight the power to have me looking like the Crypt Keeper.

Men are never pressured to believe that their worth is for a large part determined by their beauty.  In 2011, only 9% of cosmetic surgery patients were men.  If a man is not beautiful, hey that’s ok.  Just make enough money or be really good in bed or be able to fix stuff.  Some woman will want you, dawg.  If he can make a lot of money, the world is his oyster and nothing else matters.

Sure, she may have conquered global media, educated the kids and made a billion while doing it. But have you seen her without makeup?

Although less than model beautiful woman can and do rise in stature and esteem through their business accomplishments, the public will still try to compartmentalize and diminish.  Remember all the Oprah bullshit?  Sure, she may have conquered global media, educated the kids and made a billion while doing it. But have you seen her without makeup?  She needs to lose weight.  Oh and Stedman doesn’t want to marry her.

And still I waffle.

And still I waffle.  I see the beginnings of fine lines on my forehead.  Is it so wrong that I want to Botox the shit out of ‘em before they become deep furrows?  I have a pleasant face.  I don’t wanna a perma-scowl.  I can say now that I would never get a facelift with my skin currently tight and its right place.  Would I say the same thing if my chin and neck were sitting on my chest?

The thing is that our youth and beauty obsessed culture isn’t changing any time soon.  I can protest against the misogyny for a month of Sundays, but will that change the fact that the visible signs of aging are the death knell?  As a woman ages, she is paid less attention.  You begin to not count, to be less important than, less valuable than.  Who would knowingly sign on for that just to prove a point no matter how valid?

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cheap trick / holy skincare

As you may have surmised, I enjoy my expense ish.  This enjoyment bleeds into every area of my life and that includes skincare and beauty items.  Hell no, I don’t want NYX.  I want Nars.  Aveeno!  Are you crazy?  I only use Perricone.

Of course, it’s cool to say that I use Creme de la Mer moisturizer and dr. brandt pore refiner. However, as I and my skin care needs have matured, I find that some beauty maladies can be remedied without throwing a ton of cash at them.  As a matter of fact, some lower-priced, drug store products work better.

Behold the holy trinity of beauty on a dime: Amlactin Lotion, Milk of Magnesia and Hydrogen Peroxide.

Are you ashy?  Does your pedicurist cringe when she sees you walk in the door?  After your next pedi, slather on some Amlactin.  This lotion contains lactic acid which apparently is like Kryptonite to calluses and dry skin.   I promise your pedicurist will think your feet haven’t touched the ground when you return.  No, it doesn’t smell like organic, farm-to-le bain incense and myrrh, but for a measly $20 or so, you, and your pedicurist, will be singing my praises.

I just don’t like…for my pores to appear so big in pics that I look like I’m wearing flesh toned swiss cheese on my face.   Seriously, I’ve tried it all in my quest to achieve the look of Christy Turlington’s pore less skin. The products just don’t work.  Milk of Magnesia does.  Dab a TINY, repeat TINY, amount over the problem area.  Apply foundation and voila! Your skin is like Meagan Good’s.  (Maybe an exaggeration, but you know what I mean.)

For an occasional break out, OTC acne creams are the equivalent of killing an ant with a sledgehammer.  Enter hydrogen peroxide.  It’s not just for cuts and scrapes anymore.  The next time you wake up to see a zit yelling ‘Surprise!’, dab some HP on that bish, give it a couple days and au revoir.  And another thing, if sleeping over at your man’s and you don’t want to slap him in the face with your morning breath, gargle with it the night before.  Your breath will be remarkably neutral and ready for dawn delight.

And there are more.  For example, I no longer buy commercial face cleansers, but that’s another day and another post.  With all the savings, you have more money for boutiques and booze.  Don’t say I never gave you nothin’.

What are some drug store diamonds in the rough that you swear by?

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Step Right Up! Pay Attention to the Crazy Chick!

via Buzzfeed

Kate Upton is not fat. You know it. I know it. Men know it.

So why are several members of the media insistent upon sending a site run by an obviously unhappy, possibly deranged person a deluge of page views? I assume that we are so thirsty to fill the quiet with noise that we will make anything news worthy.

Back in my day, we simply ignored the crazies of the world. We surely didn’t grant them a bigger audience thus validating their insanity. Do you ever remember your mom grabbing your hand when a nut walked by and saying, “(insert your name here)! Look at the crazy man! Listen to what he has to say!” I think not.

I can hear the well-meaning dissenters. “Oh, daphne. That’s irresponsible. We have to confront these pro-anorexia sites so that young girls are not affected.” Please. With the majority of American women wearing over a size 12, it is apparent that no one’s paying this dumb site any mind, but the media and a handful of wackadoos. Yawn.

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A Wedge Between

I hurt my back a few weeks ago.  I hurt it bad.  Pain, the likes of which…ok, that’s enough.  You get it.  I was messed up.  So for the first time in many, many years, I was forced to wear sneakers outside of a gym.  The humiliation and defeat was great.  Actually, I am hanging my head in shame as I type.  Thankfully, I have healed to around 95% and I am more than ready to slip my feet back into some 4 inches or better.  My massage therapist thinks that I need to pace myself though.  Since kitten heels are not an option, I think I need to up my wedge heel game.  Fortunately, since it’s late in the season, sales abound…but hurry.  Which ones put the d in debauchee?

 
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Posted in Avarice | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments