• Sloth

    Holiday Sanity in Five

    The holidays haven’t always been happy for me. It’s the stress, man! My wallet and I are pulled in so many directions. Thanksgiving groceries. Décor. Cleaning service. Number one daughter’s birthday (and you know children are never inexpensive no matter how old). Christmas gifts. Tree. Ornaments. And lest I forget, I have to purchase plane tickets for myself, my daughter…and my dog. See what I mean? Stress, man! I know you can’t combat it by saying “f@#$ this” and sit on your ass sipping Bailey’s until January 4, but there are definite ways you can significantly reduce stress and its SOB cousins—headache, anxiety attacks and back pain. I tried all…

  • Gluttony,  Restaurants,  Taste,  Uncategorized

    Farewell, old friend. I go with Champagne now.

    There comes a time in every woman’s life when she realizes that everything that’s good ain’t good for her. For me, that time came not so long ago. On a cold Thursday night, I met my girlfriend at our local watering hole as I often do. I ordered and consumed my two vodka neat cocktails. That’s it. I had only two cocktails. I woke up Friday morning so sick that I almost thought of missing my 9 a.m. conference call. I didn’t miss my call (because I’m a straight G and G’s don’t participate in that weak shit) and suffered through the day convinced that this was some sort of aberration.…

  • Sloth,  Uncategorized,  Vacay

    Last Minute Vacation Planning Tips for Procrastinators and Everyone Else

    Him:         Hey Babes. Me:           Yeah Babes? (Yeah, we call each other Babes with an ‘s.’) Him:         I think we should get outta town for New Year, maybe something tropical. Me:           Babes, do you know it’s December 18? Him:         Yeah. Me:           Do you know people usually book New Year’s eve vacays a year ahead? Him:         You can do it. Him was right. I can and I did. I’m an odd combination of fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants and anal-retentive-nosey AF-planner-extraordinaire. So although I found this task to be daunting, I was up for the challenge. As I spent every waking moment between December 18 and the day we booked our accommodations searching and planning,…

  • decoupage, crafts, craft, crafting, letters, debauched decoupage, funny crafting, lust, sexy crafting, collage, dream boards, alternative dream boards, twerk, twerkin, twerking, twerk, sumn,
    Lust

    debauched decoupage | twerk

    I am in the process of redecorating.  Frankly, I am OBSESSED with decorating my home.  As you might imagine, my decorating philosophy is a play on scorched earth.  Translation: try to cover every square inch in quirk, kitsch and a little sophistication.  It should truly say daphne to all who cross my moat. So one day while enjoying a kiki (surprise, surprise), I was discussing the empty space above my dueling coat closets with a fellow kiki-er.  What should go in those matching blank and rectangular spaces? Wall décor emblazoned with the words “live,” “laugh,” or “love?”  GTFOH.  No, what would be more daphne? We poured ourselves yet another when…

  • Hubris,  Sight

    Botox is for feminists

    If your face is cracking and there is a way to stop it from cracking, why would you continue to let it crack?  That is the millennial equivalent of the if-a-tree-falls-in-the-forest question.  With plastic surgery being as ubiquitous as fashion people using the word ‘everything,’ I am surprised by my waffling opinion.  Some days I’m down with it.  Bring on the Botox!  Fire up the Fraxel Laser!  Other days I am flying the flag of feminism while angrily deriding all who seek to marginalize women with their limited, fantasy-based pablum. Bring on the Botox!  Fire up the Fraxel Laser!                      …

  • Sloth

    Five deep breaths. In through the nose…

    If you are currently in the midst of a day full of soul-stealing tasks that you have no desire to complete, please take a moment to gaze upon this beautiful photo of a fabulous resort in Phuket.  Imagine yourself rising from the daybed on the right and walking naked into the private pool.  Take five deep breaths.  Smell the saltiness of the sea that surrounds your private suite .  Along with the coconut goodness of  your Nars Body Glow (mixed with sunscreen) that you have luxuriatingly rubbed into your skin after your post-coitus shower.  Take five additional deep breaths.  DO NOT QUIT TODAY.  YOU MUST SAVE UP.  Jetsetter awaits.