• Twelve Random Tips for Planning a Luxury Vacation

    Greetings! It’s been a long while and a lot has happened, so instead of explaining, I’ll just jump right in. Last year I took the first real vacation (no laptop, no phone calls) that I’ve had in years.  Because I’m Daphne, I know no other way than to go big, so I splurged on a whirlwind  ten days in Asia. My trip began in Bangkok, marinated in Phuket and then ended in Hong Kong.  To sum up the experience in a word or two: fairy tale. Some deets: In Bangkok, my sister and I took a private boat tour down the Chao Phraya, toured Chinatown by night and sampled a little street food (not nearly as much as…

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    debauched decoupage | twerk

    I am in the process of redecorating.  Frankly, I am OBSESSED with decorating my home.  As you might imagine, my decorating philosophy is a play on scorched earth.  Translation: try to cover every square inch in quirk, kitsch and a little sophistication.  It should truly say daphne to all who cross my moat. So one day while enjoying a kiki (surprise, surprise), I was discussing the empty space above my dueling coat closets with a fellow kiki-er.  What should go in those matching blank and rectangular spaces? Wall décor emblazoned with the words “live,” “laugh,” or “love?”  GTFOH.  No, what would be more daphne? We poured ourselves yet another when…

  • cheap trick / holy skincare

    As you may have surmised, I enjoy my expense ish.  This enjoyment bleeds into every area of my life and that includes skincare and beauty items.  Hell no, I don’t want NYX.  I want Nars.  Aveeno!  Are you crazy?  I only use Perricone. Of course, it’s cool to say that I use Creme de la Mer moisturizer and dr. brandt pore refiner. However, as I and my skin care needs have matured, I find that some beauty maladies can be remedied without throwing a ton of cash at them.  As a matter of fact, some lower-priced, drug store products work better. Behold the holy trinity of beauty on a dime: Amlactin…

  • daphne debauchee gets schooled, part deux

    In less than ten minutes, our instructor, I’ll call her Felicia, began rearranging our host’s furniture to create auditorium seating.  “Sweetie” began passing out three prong folders, condoms, paper plates, grapefruit and knives.  What the what? I thought we were sucking, not cutting.  I can’t imagine any man feeling very sexy if he sees you whip out a knife from your goody drawer.  Nobody’s feeling that Lorena B shit.  Anyhoo and sip. She then set up her speaking area in the front of her makeshift classroom.  She arranged dildos, condoms, DVDs, t-shirts, jewelry, books and whatnot on the table where our host serves her children’s toaster streudel in the morning. …

  • daphne debauchee gets schooled, part one

    On a Friday after a very long week working on a very stressful and a not-so-very  rewarding project, I attended a fellatio class. A girlfriend invited me.  It was hosted by a friend of hers, sort of a Tupperware/Pampered Chef party of pleasure.  Sure I had my thoughts, questions and reservations. “Hell, I could TEACH this class.” As Kanye/Beyonce said, “I gotta big ego…” daphne debauchee has a stadium sized one. “This is kinda like a lame ass episode of Real Sex.”  But, don’t you miss that series? I learned sooo much.  If you’re listening, HBO, bring it back.  Please. Or, more like a rekindling of Sex and the City’s Was…

  • Five deep breaths. In through the nose…

    If you are currently in the midst of a day full of soul-stealing tasks that you have no desire to complete, please take a moment to gaze upon this beautiful photo of a fabulous resort in Phuket.  Imagine yourself rising from the daybed on the right and walking naked into the private pool.  Take five deep breaths.  Smell the saltiness of the sea that surrounds your private suite .  Along with the coconut goodness of  your Nars Body Glow (mixed with sunscreen) that you have luxuriatingly rubbed into your skin after your post-coitus shower.  Take five additional deep breaths.  DO NOT QUIT TODAY.  YOU MUST SAVE UP.  Jetsetter awaits.