• Gluttony,  Lust,  Sight,  Uncategorized

    Kaftans, always

    My lovely and talented friend, Sandria, recently alerted me to Veronique Hyland’s NY Mag article, “How to Get Your Body Caftan-Ready for Summer.” Although I disagree with the author about a few points, mainly that wearing a kaftan means you can skip your bra and neglect basic hygiene. WTF. I do agree with her enthusiasm for kaftans and her desire to extol their virtues. Here are a few of my own tips for wearing kaftans and some amazing ones that you can buy right now. Kaftans are the true definition of GLAAAAM-OOOUUUURRR. They are not shlub wear.  They are not for the tired. Find a muumuu for that foolishness. If your breasts…

  • Avarice,  Uncategorized

    Best Wishes, Ciara & Russ! I’m Still Smiling

    I rarely give a shit what celebrities do outside of their work product. I couldn’t care less about their personal lives, their new babies or their award shows. You will never hear me say, “_____ got robbed at the Oscars!” Frankly, IDGAF and I think that’s pretty fair because celebrities don’t care about me either. None of them sent me condolence bouquets or began a Instagram hashtag when my whole team got stiffed on our bonuses a one year. BUT, When I first laid eyes on Ciara and Russell’s engagement video via a Facebook friend, I was actually a little shocked at my reaction. A toothy smile, usually reserved for  beach vacations and the receipt of…

  • Avarice,  Lust,  Uncategorized

    Last Minute Luxe: Valentine’s Day Gift Flip

    Valentine’s Day is approaching and if you are in a relationship, I have a feeling that all you’ve been thinking about is you. What will he give me? Where will he take me? Me, me, me.   In the words of TLC, what about your friends? Valentine’s Day can evoke some pretty negative emotions if you’re single and looking. Hell. Have you considered that this “holiday” basically celebrates the fact that your girl is partner-less. Have you considered how she feels? What is she gonna get? Where is she being taken? Of course, some of your single girlfriends are happy and oblivious. But there’s a subset of your girls who are trying…

  • Sloth

    Holiday Sanity in Five

    The holidays haven’t always been happy for me. It’s the stress, man! My wallet and I are pulled in so many directions. Thanksgiving groceries. Décor. Cleaning service. Number one daughter’s birthday (and you know children are never inexpensive no matter how old). Christmas gifts. Tree. Ornaments. And lest I forget, I have to purchase plane tickets for myself, my daughter…and my dog. See what I mean? Stress, man! I know you can’t combat it by saying “f@#$ this” and sit on your ass sipping Bailey’s until January 4, but there are definite ways you can significantly reduce stress and its SOB cousins—headache, anxiety attacks and back pain. I tried all…

  • Gluttony,  Restaurants,  Taste,  Uncategorized

    Farewell, old friend. I go with Champagne now.

    There comes a time in every woman’s life when she realizes that everything that’s good ain’t good for her. For me, that time came not so long ago. On a cold Thursday night, I met my girlfriend at our local watering hole as I often do. I ordered and consumed my two vodka neat cocktails. That’s it. I had only two cocktails. I woke up Friday morning so sick that I almost thought of missing my 9 a.m. conference call. I didn’t miss my call (because I’m a straight G and G’s don’t participate in that weak shit) and suffered through the day convinced that this was some sort of aberration.…

  • Sloth,  Uncategorized

    Beauty Tips for the Action-Challenged aka Lazy

    Some girls come home after a raucous happy hour and still manage to remove their contact lenses and make up. Some of them set aside time every night, no matter what, to pumice their feet, apply moisturizer and cover their tootsies with cotton socks.  Some of them even polish their nails to match their ensemble, which they already laid out, for the next day. I am not her. She is not me. I’ve come to terms with it and use these tricks to preserve my pretty despite my lazy. Makeup remover wipes e’rywhere. Near the front door, in the trinket box next to the sofa,  at the desk, under pillows… Some disagree and I get…

  • Lust,  Sight,  Sound

    A Successful Relationship in Four Easy Steps

    Relationship advice springs eternal. Almost anyone (well, actually any man) has a platform from which to pontificate. Most of this advice is aimed at teaching women how to behave in order to garner the attention of a worthy mate (surprise, surprise). This strategy of dropping unwelcome counsel into women’s laps like an unwanted dick pic has launched careers and built multi-media fortunes. As I surveyed the landscape, I realized that I’ve got shit to say and I want some money too. So, I am jumping into the fray and offering my own gems. I’m dropping this science on you because I couldn’t possibly be any less qualified than let’s say…a…

  • Sloth,  Uncategorized,  Vacay

    Last Minute Vacation Planning Tips for Procrastinators and Everyone Else

    Him:         Hey Babes. Me:           Yeah Babes? (Yeah, we call each other Babes with an ‘s.’) Him:         I think we should get outta town for New Year, maybe something tropical. Me:           Babes, do you know it’s December 18? Him:         Yeah. Me:           Do you know people usually book New Year’s eve vacays a year ahead? Him:         You can do it. Him was right. I can and I did. I’m an odd combination of fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants and anal-retentive-nosey AF-planner-extraordinaire. So although I found this task to be daunting, I was up for the challenge. As I spent every waking moment between December 18 and the day we booked our accommodations searching and planning,…

  • Restaurants,  Sight,  Taste,  Uncategorized,  Vacay

    Twelve Random Tips for Planning a Luxury Vacation

    Greetings! It’s been a long while and a lot has happened, so instead of explaining, I’ll just jump right in. Last year I took the first real vacation (no laptop, no phone calls) that I’ve had in years.  Because I’m Daphne, I know no other way than to go big, so I splurged on a whirlwind  ten days in Asia. My trip began in Bangkok, marinated in Phuket and then ended in Hong Kong.  To sum up the experience in a word or two: fairy tale. Some deets: In Bangkok, my sister and I took a private boat tour down the Chao Phraya, toured Chinatown by night and sampled a little street food (not nearly as much as…

  • decoupage, crafts, craft, crafting, letters, debauched decoupage, funny crafting, lust, sexy crafting, collage, dream boards, alternative dream boards, twerk, twerkin, twerking, twerk, sumn,
    Lust

    debauched decoupage | twerk

    I am in the process of redecorating.  Frankly, I am OBSESSED with decorating my home.  As you might imagine, my decorating philosophy is a play on scorched earth.  Translation: try to cover every square inch in quirk, kitsch and a little sophistication.  It should truly say daphne to all who cross my moat. So one day while enjoying a kiki (surprise, surprise), I was discussing the empty space above my dueling coat closets with a fellow kiki-er.  What should go in those matching blank and rectangular spaces? Wall décor emblazoned with the words “live,” “laugh,” or “love?”  GTFOH.  No, what would be more daphne? We poured ourselves yet another when…